wow, i never thought it would hurt this much. i just told my dad i can't come to his house this summer, and he collapsed. he started crying, and told me he loved me, and that whatever i wanted was fineby him, and i just feel so bad. i have hurt someone, once again. and i can't control it. i don't ever mean to, but in the end, someone ends up hurting because of me. i try to make up for it, but i still hurt them.

oh well, i guess i should just learn to accept things as they are, right?

p.s.  wow it feels good to write all this down, even if no one really cares, just getting it out feels good.