why the hell can't i feel anything!! goddamnit!! i mean, hell, my cousin just told me he's been drinking regularly, and the only thing i could think of to say was "oh, ok, when did u start?" not "what the hell are u thinking" i felt nothing. u all know how i basically feel about drinking and stuff, and i felt nothing. no sadness, anger, pain, happiness, nothing. and i've been feeling like this for a while, i mean i always am a little apathetic, but it is getting to the point where i get in the beautiful ocean water, and i don't feel the normal thrill of being back in one of my most favorite places. i don't know what is up, but i can't take it for very long. this has happened before, and i hated it then, god, i did some stupid crap.

ugh. i can't even cry!

shell